Today was a fairytale

Maybe it is the vacation coming up, maybe it is getting to the point where I get rid of all the things, thoughts and expectations that I felt kind of weighying on my heart, but I am starting to feel like myself again.

I feel like I lost myself for quite a long time and I am starting to find myself bit by bit again. I feel like discovering things about myself I never knew about and that I can honestly say I had no clue, no experience about.

Where did I loose myself?

I lost myself in love and all the expectations, dreams, beliefs and religious correct views about it. I lost myself in another person and constantly trying to find the balance between who he needed and wanted me to be, who I wanted to be and who I thought God wanted me to be.

I lost myself in working too much, building up something I believed in and fighted for yet totally not noticing that the circumstances around me had changed. I lost myself starting to believe some people because I thought they were nice and had good motives. I shut my eyes for selfishness and found excuses the justify it all.

I lost myself in being scared of living and taking risks - being scared of making mistakes because I was supposed to be this good Christian girl living according to the book. I lost myself trying to be this perfect Christian yet not knowing that God doesn`t want us to be perfect but wants us to love Him so that his love changes us just by itsef.

I lost myself in some people always pointing out the bad sides about me and telling me that I am this and that (which was true) and not the Christian I should be or appear to be. I lost myself feeling helpless in letting God change things in my life that needed changing.

I lost myself in believing that God wanted me to be certain way and living certain way, lost myself believing that I am not an individual, a human being, but this CHRISTIAN who has to be and act certain way and who is allowed to feel and think certaing way. I lost myself being a Christian puppet and not real me. I lost myself in being lifeless doll rather than a child loved by her Father, the God. I lost myself in religion.

I lost myself in trying to help people all the time, trying to listen to and care for their problems and worries. I lost myself in minding with other peoples lives rather than building up mine.

I lost myself in NOT BELIEVING that God wants the best future possible for me, I lost myself having this huge burden that Christian life is all about sacrifice and no fun at all. I lost myself in seriousness.

I lost myself in pride and thinking that I know better! I lost myself in believing that I know all the answers to life and I lost myself in giving that advice to others.

So how lost was I? You tell me! It looks to me like pretty lost!

But I was lost and now I am found! God has helped me find myself!

No vacancy in Trinity...

Time to time I rediscover Dr Emerson Eggerichs book "The Love She Most Desires. The Respect He Desperately Needs". This week I have been reading it once again in the mornings before going to work.

Eggerichs writes: Many women have admitted to me: "I`ve got to stop being my husband`s Holy Spirit." I agree with them because there is no vacancy in the Trinity.

When I read the truth, it hit me hard. I have never been married, but in the past I have tryed to be the Holy Spirit to my boyfriend.

Piret remember - there is no vacancy in the Trinity!! :)

Raineri ja Anneli tunnistus

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_3EDisHSo0

Tagasivaade Oleviste kodutute Iseseisvuspäevale

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYYLnRsBJ9Y

Feminine traits I want to learn more

It`s interesting that getting older and kind of growing up helps you get in peace with the feminine side of you. Or at least this is what I have learned and experience the past 6-7 years.

I have absolutely learned to love being a woman and learned to respect and cherish myself and women in gerenal. It`s like God is putting the bigger picture of me together and it is interesting to see what he is doing and how God is revealing my misunderstandings and false expectations.

Yet at the same time God is confirming me that the things I have been believing about myself and about being a woman, a godly woman have been there all along. Somehow I just have been afraid to live according to it.

When I say that the biggest thing I have learned in past years is actually learning how to be a woman, people and especially men smile. And I kind of know why, but it is true and what can I say!

I have met lots of people those past years, more than I could become true friends with, I have travelled enough, read a lot, experienced a lot, worked hard, have grown spirityally very deep and worked hard but the biggest thing I feel most joy of is learning more and more how to be a godly woman.

I know it is a journey, an interesting process that goes on all life with diferent stages of life, but right now and for the year 2010 I have decided that I would like to grow more as a godly woman, as a true human being and learn how to:

1. Believe when everyone else doubts;


2. Inspire people rather than teach them;


3. Become an example of what is good, do good and not exude negative energy, attitute;


4. Care for others when no-one else will;


5. Follow my dreams and calling from God with absolute conviction;


6. Love even when people don`t deserve it;


7. Give without expecting anythings back;


8. Seek understnding rather than resort to quick, easy and subjective conclusion;


9. Serve God as a real godly woman.

It looks to me that this year will be a year of shaping my attitute. It sure is needed as I lack in every aspect mentioned above.

But with Gods grace I am who I am - a godly woman created to serve Him and created in his image!

How precious it is to be called His daughter and know - not because of who I am, not because of what I have done. But because of who is God and what he has done for me and all human kind.

Just because of the blood of Christ! One man and yet God daying once for all of us! Even for a woman like me! Dying for beloved daugther that I am!

Praise the Lord for he is mighty and does great things in me!