Honesty and Forgiveness

How heavy is a glass of water? It depends how long you have to hold it in your hands. One minut is not a problem, but after holding it for many hours, your hand might start to ache. After 24 hours the way you feel will be propable very bad. Actually at every hour the glass of water weights the same, but the longer you are holding it, the heavyer it seems. It is the same way with heatred. Carrying it might turn out to be so heavy that it paralyses all your life.

This week I have been seriously talking with my mother. Some of the things we have been sharing go back in childhood and I have discovered that there are some things that have been broken and need to be fixed. I can honestly say, that those things are influencing who I am today.

I was watching Oprah show one day and she said - feelings are time travellers and they dont go away just because you get older! I never really thought that this woman was the light of truth, but it made sence to me...she was talking about grown ups from divorced families...

I think it is time to let go of some things. It is time to let go of the heavy glass of the past. But the first thing is to really understand what is my heavy glass and let God heal what is there.

It seems to me, that it is a period of time in my life where I am experiencing God more peronally. Not that He is someone who wants me to do something for Him. Yes, that too, but today it seems that He is helping me to look inside of me and says - I know what is there. I know why it is there. I see your feelings and pain, and I understand. But it is time for you to trust me as your personal Saviour and let me take away from your heart the things that do not belong there anymore! I have created a new creation in you and I have given you new life, a new chance! Use it!

God is teaching me to look inside of me and be honest about it! Not blame others, but to forgive them! Not question God, but thank Him for carrying me through this! But to do that, I have to be brutally honest about myself and my feelings. I have to stop hiding those feelings from myself and just not being afraid of feeling the way I do....

Honesty and forgivenes.... it looks like I have a valuable lesson to learn there...