Humbling lesson

Once again I am reading a book called Purpose Driven Life. When it was popular in Estonia and lots of churches were reading it, having fellowship and discussion groups on the book, I remember that the group I was part of somehow did not work.

People were coming and going and there was no consistency. And even though this book was very popular, somehow I was not too keen on it at all.

But one day just some weeks ago, Christmas time my mom went out to buy a Christmas tree. She started to talk to the salesman about the real meaning of Christmas. The man seemed interested and asked questions.

My mother came home to leave the Christmas tree and to go back to the salesman. She wanted to give him something and she started to look for something to give - a book or something for the man to read.

As my mom did not find anything I went to my bookshelve and started to look for a book I could give away. Unfortunately most of my Christian books are in English!

Finally I found the Purpose Driven Life in Estonian. It had my name in it and some of the places were underlined. I told my mother - If you want you can give this book. I am sure this will help the man understand better real meaning of life, God and Christ.

My mother really liked the idea and went to give it to him. Unfortunately by that time the salesman had finished his day and had left. My mom came back with the book and gave it back to me.

Suddenly I realized - it was not an accident that I pulled this book out of my shelve. Maybe God is trying to tell me something!

So I started to read it in the mornings just before going to work. And I was so encouraged from the moment I opened the contents of the book.

The contents had 6 main chapters:

• Why I am on this earth?
• You have been designed for the Gods gratification
• You have been prepared to belong to Gods family
• You have been created to become Christ-like
• You have been designed to serve God
• You have been created to fulfill one task

And then it just hit me - in the contents becoming Christ-like is mentioned before serving God or fulfilling God-given task.

For many years I have been so God-serving and task-fulfilling oriented that I had totally forgot that the primary thing is actually for ME TO BE CHANGED and BECOMING CHRISTE-LIKE and THEN sharing the gospel and inviting people to join Gods family!

I was shocked! How could I have forgotton that! I have been so busy with trying to find out my personal calling in service that I totally forgot that FIRST God wants to change me. Everey day!

Then the puzzle of my life started to take shape - for the last 2 years I have felt like God has been polishing me, humbling me, taking away from me and shaping me. It has been difficult yet life-changing experiencde.

Still in the midst of it I have felt quilty that I have not been more effective serving others and bringing them to Christ. I have shared Christ whenever I could but I always felt like I was not using my full potential and that a lot of me and my energy actually went for dealing with the emotional difficulties I had.

God opened my eyes the day I opened the book again! Praise the Lord that He has opened my eyes to see what He is doing in my life and that it is OK and NECESSARY that He is working on ME right now and changing me in such deep ways that have never been changed before. Praise the Lord that he is taking bit by bit away my SELFISHNESS and PRIDE!

Now I see that IT IS MY TIME! That God is actually preparing me so that he could be more clear about my calling! Now I see that for the first time God has opened my eyes to see my other heart desires beside serving him in the world. God has opened my eyes to see my personal need for family and close relationship with God-loving man.

Now I see that God is shaping me to be a better person in close relationships and changing my views of sharing Gospel.

God who is a relationship God is showing me that the only way to reach out is to be HUMAN BEING - with my faults and mistakes and sins that he has promised to wash away. God has shown me that the best witness I can give to people is to be HUMAN BEING totally dependant of GOD and aware of my own sin and Gods grace!

Now I see that no matter how well I know Bible, no matter how many people I talk to about God, no matter how often I pray, no matter how frequently I read Bible and go to church - if my life is not TOTALLY CHANGED and I am not BROKEN like Jesus was broken on the cross, God cannot use me comlletely and help me fulfill His plan!

Praise the Lord for the brokenness because after that comes glory!